Perspective

It's all in your perspective

I’m uninspired,

fatigued and tired,

currently unmotivated,

present, but far from understated.

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I’m disloyal,

always dysfunctional,

occasionally anti-social,

completely unoriginal.
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I’m dishonest,

the opposite of the nicest,

hanging with none the coolest,

only dimmed from the brightest.

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I am what you praise,

the one and only you chase,

someone you’ll always miss,

a person you adore and amaze.

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I am different from the rest,

on top though as high as Everest,

not slightest that I give in,

on every way you find me, charming.

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Let loose, I see you now beautiful,

your weaknesses doesn’t speak one word even to fools,

there’s really nothing to hide,

just one look, I can see what’s inside,

what you don’t have, makes you wonderful,

what you do have, makes you colorful,

so when people ask what’s so special about her?

every piece is a story, awaiting to be reveled,

walk beside her and talk to her,

you’ll see wonder, like none other.

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So now it’s your choice,

to choose which parts you please,

It’s a matter of perspective,

Which you get, and which you’ll miss,

But when you choose the positive,

and practice the act of appreciative,

what you hold with you is more than a gift,

Is a lifetime of happiness, and a fulfilling life-shift.

True

Don’t I just forget easily?

Don’t I just laugh too much?

Is it not that I speak freely?

Are these seem too much?

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Forget it now if you don’t like me,

I don’t care which part of me you’d prefer,

The world doesn’t end by you ignoring me,

Now which rules shall I refer?

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Isn’t it just too harsh?

Damn, do I look like I care?

This is totally not a crush,

I’m practicing standard human politeness,

If there are things as such,

It’s not on top of my list to show weakness,

but for what I’ve learned, that much I trust.

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Now, don’t I just love myself too much?

Rejecting you, and so does everyone else,

If there’s one person I must,

then I’ll appreciate only myself.

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Coz when the lights goes out,

And when there’s no way up to go,

We’re going down with a shout,

but at least we have ourselves to show,

That when the things gets tough,

And the chores get rough,

We will always be true to ourselves.

You told me…What if I tell you

01.27.09

You told me…what if i tell you.

Posted in Poem at 7:43 am by thedarkvanilla

You told me to open my heart, just a little bit let you in,

What if I tell you, that I don’t have a heart to feel?

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You told me, I am everything you see,

But what if I really am the one that make you blind?

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You told me, we could be soul mate,

What if I tell you that my soul will still be incomplete?

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You told me, that we could be together,

What if I tell you together doesn’t even matter.

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You told me, we are meant to be,

What if I tell you, that don’t mean a thing to me?

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You told me, “you can put your trust on me”,

But what if I tell you, I’ve given all my trust to someone else?

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You said “what else do you want? I’ve given you enough time”,

Which part don’t you understand? You are just not the one.

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Don’t tell me anything else now,

And don’t try to convince me how,

I’ve given my heart to the power that knows it all,

The one I put my trust on, that always safe me in my fall,

He’ll leads me, to the right person, at the right time,

So subtle but what more can flawlessly rhyme?

Speechless did I leave you? Though with a smile,

On my faith have I told you, well that’s just my style.

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If I Leave

I have it so much in me,

That I forgot for whom I live,

I have it so much in me to achieve,

Until I forgot that one day I’ll leave.

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I thought of being successful,

Stress out too much to get there,

Have it planned to be somebody,

Well, is it all a dream?

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I look at all the happy faces,

Thinking of making myself to one of that scenery,

But what is there to make-believe?

I might not be funny, but I’ll leave traces and pieces of me.

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What if I leave tomorrow?

Have I done all that matters most to me?

If I don’t get to say goodbye,

Would you have known how I feel?

How am I going to survive there?

A world strange and different from this,

How would I know how to cope?

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The point of no return,

If I’m in regret, I take it all with me,

If my name in glory, well none of that will safe me,

If I have it all prepared, then yes I might safe with me some dignity,

Where do I stand in all these situation,

If I leave?

Family Day Klang - 12.2008

My Lifetime Commitment

Every time I think, you’re in my head,

My opinion are highly base upon your judgment,

And with my weaknesses though it is sometime unbearable to me,

You’ve offered me nothing but unconditional love and forgiveness.

You’re not just my lonely night thoughts that passes by,

You didn’t just come in the morning when I open my eyes,

You’re not someone, that when I’m busy I left you be,

You’re my lifetime commitment.

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And every time I’m at fault,

I’m highly flaws, don’t know why you still love me,

And every time I fall in  those dark alley,

I really feel like killing me,

But you’ve push me far,

You pull me up in all my falls,

You answer me with your love sincerely,

Owh, how I’ve sinned.

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Keep me close to you, please I’m begging you,

I cannot stand me without you, cause you’re the air I breath in,

This life and everything that bring meaning to it, are directly related to You,

there’s no me without you,

-To Dear God-

*MeaNiNg*

The sky is up,

And the moon is shining brightly,

The win blows, so strong does it goes,

But today, it’s blows me away

They whisper, things I couldn’t say

Though I feel the peacefulness and the emptiness it brings.

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They say don’t wait,

Don’t wait here, just be on your way,

I’m afraid you might miss the train, and what if he never come?

I’ll miss out on the lesson so I took an oath,

To never wait, never again to wait

Then I sat down, I look up and down,

Pondering, thinking, wondering,

You can’t imagine how heavy my head feels,

It’s you this time, wind, can you not help me?

I can’t get him out of my head.

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If I could choose the person I love,

I would have chosen the one who love me,

But why  is it that those eyes are the one that capture me,

He doesn’t have the look, he isn’t all that rich,

Why then mother earth? Do I still long for him?

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It may have sound ridiculous,

But I cry like hell over the fact, he’s not mine to have and to hold,

I waited for him but why can’t he?

Maybe I was wrong, for not telling,

Confessing the only feeling that I never thought I could feel,

I’m too shy, thinking if it’s meant to be then it’ll be.

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Maybe honey,

I deserve much better,

Maybe love,

Without you I’ll be happier,

Maybe someday I’ll realized,

You’re not the person I want or need,

So I’m wishing you, all the happiness as I would feel,

Cause I know that from this moment, and all and those that will come my way,

Happiness is with me, as long as the meaning stay.

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( This poem has stayed in my draft for quite a while so I just had to post it. haha. I can’t remember when and why I wrote it.LOL)

I’m Wish You Well

NOR FAEZAH ABD KARIM

Pae comel

 

A while ago I found out one of my dear friend aka ex-classmate aka ex-romate got into an accident. She is being treated in the ICU rite now, and I’m worried sick. I pray that she’ll be conscious, I truly hope she’ll be fine. Amin. She truly is a nice and adorable person. Everyone, lets pray for her. And I do hope her family is accepting it strongly. In God we believe.

 

Pae n almas

KAMI kat tanjong jara

US

Dedicated to : Nor Faezah Abd Karim.

( Kite same2 doakan dia)

To That Extent

People do care. But to a certain extent. It’s a problem of mine to always want and expect people to understand the pragmatics side of things. And this time I think my expectation are quite reasonable. I expact a simple call from my so call best friend to ask me how I was, just one simple call to ask how my mother is doing. That’s it. I admit she did text me, and I did( I think) reply in a very simple and decent way. And that is about it. I know that she may have other commitments, and I know she has been through a lot more pressure that what I am experiencing now. I didn’t expect her to entertain my whining, cause I really am not a person who like to complain, I do express dissatisfaction, but once I let it out, that’s it. Though I have to admit I am a bit dissapointed, a lot actually, amazingly one simple call is a lot, lately. I am okay now, there always a silver lining, and I’m good in finding my ways.

 

I have to remember though, to not put meaning to something or somebody too much , because if I have put meaning, I expect the least from that person, and if the least is not done I am left devastated. She do care, but ‘to that extent’. I never really really give meaning to people too much, cause I know that “they care, but only to a certain extent”. That’s why with everybody else it’s okay, everyone have things to deal with, and I have mine as well. And so me mix well, we’ll be happy together, we’ll share goods things and bad as well, we will be there for each other for the time being, and we will be grateful for what we have, like I said, people do care, and I also care, but we care to a certain extend, to that extent.

 

I have said that she’s the person I give my best commitment to, I mean, outside the family and relative circle.( Because of course our best care is to our family members first.) I can ignore others or not answer calls from anoyne else, but I will definetly return hers. She’s like  a commitment I would give to a boyfriend. ( If I ever have any..LOL). I know that sometime is not all that much, but I did give my best. And it hurts now knowing that least of my expectation are not fulfilled. It feels like loosing a long-time-relationship with a special boyfriend. ( If I know what that feels like. LOL). When it hits you, it’s hits you hard don’t they? Well that’s just the way I like it, cause I always learn best the hard way. Serious aku rase macam putus cinta, if 8 years isn’t enough time for me to know that it’s real, if in all those years I didn’t mean enough to her, then I just have to deal with it.

 

Of all this time, I’ve always said that you can use me, cause I’ll be there when they are sad, and if they are happy, they are free to leave me, cause people live their saparate life, I just want to be there in those falls, if the least that I can do is hear you out and motivate you, then you may turn to me. But this time don’t know why I expect the least from this particular person, i don’t mind if others do not care, but oh boy, maybe this is a test for me, and I do accept it. At least now I know that she do care, but to that extent. Damn it hurts, but I have to let it go. No more special comitmets, at least now I’m free to not to answer her call.

 

Everybody, almas has move on=)

 

 

 

Deprived.

My emotional state is highly unstable now, I mean it to my bones. It seems like everything is sooooo “STUPID”. At least I label it that way. I’m so stress out I can’t even put up a pretentious smile.

i guess my words are being tested. How strong could I be?

I tend to shut people out from my life if i feel depress. My friends came to visit my mom at the hospital today, and they even drop by my house for a bit. i didn’t even ,manage to put up a decent smile. Why?. was I unhappy that they came by? No, it not that, I appreciate them having to visit my mother and stuff. I just don’t think that they care enough, that’s all.

There is not a single soul that can understand me now. I am currently so damn depress.

Down With The Blues

Words are so easy for you,

Unable to determine what you really mean,

What do you take everybody for?

An item of care and a thing of two to share.

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How i was a fool before

Why, has it been easy for you? Not anymore,

I’m not looking your way, I’m not gonna beg you to stay,

So long sweet prince, you wouldn’t know me more than the name I have,

You won’t know me more than the appearance I show,

You never can reach to my soul.

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Have you gone for too long,

For too many times before,

Had I waited like a fool,

Thinking we might share something, which we weren’t,

How have life been so current,

And the old days, the past had just gone by,

You didn’t seem to keep you care,

What more can I say?

So long fool, it’s your lost, need I say more?